Welcome To My World

I want to welcome you to my world. My "special needs parent" world that is...

As Christmas has just passed and we are approaching the new year, it's certainly a time to look back and reflect on the year that has past.

This time last year we had just moved back to Ohio from Tennessee. Mostly because of Arlyn and her medical needs. But also because of lack of support in TN. It was a breath of fresh air to be back and ringing in 2010 in familiar territory.

The beginning of my 2010 was chalked full of specialist appts. for Miss Arlyn and getting her established with a plethora of doctors. We also encountered her major surgery (bowel/fundoplication/g-tube). It was a crazy busy year.

I also had my 4yr old, Alex, to contend with. Alex has more emotional special needs, but needs none the less. We had to re-establish him as well, with the specialists. So between Alex and Arlyn, I was hopping all over the place this year!!

Now that things have slowed and the appointments are a little fewer and farther between, we have gotten into a routine and life is pretty typical. I LOVE typical and predictable!!!

BUT.....when you throw in a holiday such as Christmas....it really throws a wrench in your routine!!

Don't get me wrong, I love holidays and we make them work for our special kiddos that thrive on routine but man, can they throw a wrench in the works!!!

Christmas is the toughest because we have 3 Christmas's in 1 day (ours, inlaws, and my parents). So trying to schedule all of them with medication time, and naptime and meal times is a feat within itself.

This year we have one that takes a med to help him nap and the other that prefers her crib and is very picky about her surroundings. Not a good combo! LOL

So the inlaws seen only about 40 minutes of Alex and Arlyn and off they went, to home for naps!

Do I feel bad??? Well, yes and no. I hate that, that's all the time they got to spend with grandma but I will not put their health and emotions on the back burner either!

I know many of my online friends totally understand this post and struggle with the exact same issues, if not more...

I just pray that family and friends understand and can get a glimpse of what us, as parents of "special children" have to think of and live with everyday.

There will be more to come on this topic for sure!!!

What Are kids For??

Sometimes, I wonder, Why Did I Want Kids?? Then God shows me exactly why (well, some of the reasons) hehe!

Because we all need a superhero to save the day!

Because after a hard day of being cute, then they just get cuter! Especially when they're asleep! LOL

They bring "adventure" into our lives!! Just like Indiana Jones!!

And...Don't forget the humor! How else so you cure a bloody nose??

But....The main reason I wanted kids, Because life would be incomplete without them!!

Too Cute To Not Post

Arlyn is my "little" supervisor in the kitchen! First, she supervises!

Then, she makes sure mommy"s food tastes just right!

Then she just poops out on me during dinner time!

UGH! Being a Diva is such hard work!! HeHe!

Time Flies! Also A Little Lesson!

WOW! Time sure does fly when it's "Back To School Time" or in our case "Homeschool" time!

It's now closing on the end of October and before you know it it will be "GULP" Christmas Time!!!

We have had alot going on in the Mehring house. We are homeschooling 3 of our 4 school age children. Arlyn has therapies 3 times a week and now Alex will have additional therapies as well. James and I are taking a class at church once a week and just trying to keep a schedule is near impossible these days.

But in the midst of it all we did manage to take a mini vacation down to Kentucky for our annual Halloween party. We had so much fun and man, those mountains in the fall are spectacular!!! I did not want to leave! LOL

James and I have also had some difficult decisions to make in these last few weeks. We have chosen to remove ourselves from a pending adoption. This was an extremely hard decision and one that we still grieve over daily. But due to oncoming medical issues(of the child) and the hectic life that we already lead, we felt that this child would benefit from a more confident, abled family. But oh how we so wanted this sweet baby to join our family! We loved this child and considered him ours for many months now. Our hearts ache for him but you know, if you really love someone and you just know that you may not be the best family for them, then you need to let them go and that's what we did.

That brings me to my lesson. It's an ADOPTION LESSON!!!
I would like to fill you in on a few things that "us" as adoptive parents really can't stand. It's an "adoption etiquite" if you will.

First off, the word REAL such as..."What abour their real parents"??
Ohhhhh, that is a big no no! See, we are their real parents! We take care of them when they are sick, we take on the night feedings, bathe them, dress them, wipe their noses, go to school functions, teach them right from wrong, comfort them thru boyfriend/girlfriend drama, teach them to drive, send them to college, walk them down the isle, and the list goes on and on!!!

We are real, we are not fake so do not minimize us! If you are wondering about their biological or birth parents then say biological or birth parents!!! I know many mean well but you have to think of these words from where we stand. It hurts.

Second, if you have questions about adoption such as process, time frames, options and such please ask. But please do not ask about my adopted children's history or their birth parents history especially in front of that child!!! Can you imagine me telling all of the sometimes not so pleasant details of your life or your parents life to the public??? If you would like to know some of the delicate details please ask in private. ALSO DO NOT ASK......How much did you pay for (him/her)???? UGH!!! I did not "pay" a price for my child!!! I did however pay fees in the "adoption process" of my child. Again, ask me these details in private, not in front of the child.

Third and really the most infuriating one!!! Birthparents make adoption plans for many different reasons. It may be that they are very young and just cannot handle a child. Or that this child will be born with special needs that the parents just cannot accomodate (single parent, works full time) or what if you have 2 or 3 small children and are completely overwhelmed. The birth parents could be addicts, or homeless, or in abusive relationship. All of these are very realistic.
But whatever the circumstance, and before you pass judgement, stop and think about how you would feel if you were homeless, and didn't know where your next meal was coming from, or what if you lived in another country and watched many children and adults starve to death. Would you want to watch your own child starve??? Or would you maybe sacrifice your own wants and let your child go to someone that can care and feed your child?? Heart wrenching decision isn't it!!! I know I would just shatter if I had to make that decision. I honestly don't know what I would do. But this is the reality of what birthparents go thru.

So don't say "How can someone give up their child"!?! Think about what they are going thru.
In our case, we have Arlyn, her birth family felt unprepared to care for her special needs. Some may say that they just gave her up because she wasn't perfect. But that's not the case. They felt that they couldn't take on her needs, and believe me her needs are great! Does that make them bad?? No, in my eyes that makes them selfless, they chose a different life for her, they knew that they may not have been the best parents for her at that time in their lives. They chose a family that was familiar with her needs and were committed to her without even laying eyes on her. Do I believe that they could have cared for her and loved her just as much as we do?? You bet!!! Do I love this family and tell them how much we love Arlyn and how great and selfless they are for allowing us to parent their precious baby?? You bet!!

If it weren't for birthparents and the gift of adoption, I would not have 3 of my beautiful children!!! I will defend birthfamilies to my death!!!

I know that adoption is not for everyone, and that many people do not accept of approve of adoption but I am just trying to help people understand and learn a little along the way. You will find that most adoptive families love to talk and answer questions about adoption. So if you have ever wanted to ask questions by all means ask, but just remember to do it with grace. Most likely you will open the "flood gates" !!! LOL

Thanks for reading and I will try to post more often as we find our "grove" these days.

Busy Life

WOW! We are so busy latley!!! Between appointments and searching for a new van and the homeschool, man, have we been busy!

I have so neglected my blog! There really isn' t much to report as of lately. We did get a (old, but new to us) van. We are attending Dave Ramsey classes at church (cause who couldn't use a little financial tune up). Running our kids to various appointments and dipping our toes into homeschooling 3 instead of 1 this year.

I have to report that I have two new contact lens wearers in the house, Kierstyn and Kaden. They are adjusting well but poor Kaden, his eyes are so small its pure torture getting those things in and out of his eye. Plus the lenses are so weighted due to the high perscription, that they fall off of your finger before you even reach his eye.

Arlyn is FINALLY up to 8 pounds and is cutting teeth so she's not so happy most of the time. I am praying that our life slows down a bit in the near future but I wouldn't bet money on it!

I will have to click some pics and post them soon but I have even been too busy to do that! Bear with me please! LOL

Following Our Dream

So you probably think I forgot about my blog, didn't you???

Well, I did not! We had phone and computer difficulty for about a week and then this total exhaustion hit me from no where! It's been rough but I'm trying my darndest to get over it.

In the meantime, we have had some major nudging from "ah em" "The Man Upstairs". He has really been showing us the path that He wants us to take in our lives and boy, it sure feels good to realize and see the BIG PICTURE!!! Well, what He will let us see! hehe

Last Monday, we had a meeting with a local fostering agency on the "potential adoption" of 3 boys (twins 3, and baby brother 1). It was a very neat and educational meeting as we learned about the boys and told them about our family. It sure gave us alot to think about over this past week!!!

But as much as we would have loved to add them to our family, something just didn't feel right. They just didn't feel like "our sons". God touched our hearts with these boys and we loved learning about them and trust me, they are precious!! But it just didn't feel right. So we called the agency and told them that as much as we would have loved to adopt them, we must follow our hearts and what God has planned for us.

So, its been a mad rush to get our paperwork completed and off to what we feel, is our child! There are several amazing things that have revealed themselves about this child and the situation. but I will post about them when things are more solidified. Right now, our journey is not over and I don't want to miss any of the amazing tale!

Stay tuned as our journey unfolds and we pray that you will witness the "birth" of our next child!

Been Awhile! VENTING TONIGHT

It's been awhile since I've posted on here. Sorry, it's been a crazy few days! Our family is going through some changes, some could be major and some not as much. It's not really anything bad (although some family would probably say different). It's just changes.

Alot of this time has been waiting for answers to some rather important questions. We have gotten many of our answers but then as those answers came, more questions came, so we wait for even more answers. It seems never ending to say the least. It also seems as though, one answer hinges upon another answer. UGH! Frustrating isn't even the word for it all!

But in the midst of all of the never ending wait, I have God to thank for my children and my husband. We are all fine and healthy (except a little g-tube trouble for Arlyn), we have each other, and our friends. God Is Good!

Now My Vent.....
I really don't know where to start, this issue has been an issue for quite some time.
FAMILY!!!
Yes! Family! It never ceases to amaze me how sometimes family has your back and can be such great support but man, when they don't agree with your choices!!! WATCH OUT!

My family is well, not so enthused with our choice of adding more children to our family. They love the kids and give them attention but to keep adopting more, they just don't get it. I know that some mean well. They just don't want us to be overwhelmed, but some are just plain hurtful and jealous!!!

Why do I think they are jealous?? Because I'm the type of person that will set my goal and strive til I reach it! I don't ever back down from a challenge! Especially if someone tries to hinder my goal or just tells me that I can't do it! I just don't think that certain family members like that about me. I have a spine and I for sure have a mouth! LOL

If you can't already tell, this has been a hot subject for me! hehe In my case the "hot" subject is adoption but in many other peoples lives its many other things. Wether it's your lifestyle, what car you buy or home, how you parent, your religion, and so on. It just seems that you cannot please every loved one and you certainly shouldn't live your life to their expectations or wishes.

That wouldn't even be your life that you are living!! Now, don't get me wrong, I definately have my opinions about how some of my loved ones live and the choices that they make. But the difference here is that I don't set out to hinder or hurt their life choices. Unfortuately some do! :(

Ok, this rant is almost over! haha But I leave with this..... IF God didn't want our family to adopt anymore children then WHY has he made it possible for many and I do mean MANY, potential placements come our way within the last 3-4 months??? I have never felt so honored and blessed. Alot of these potential children would have been a wonderful addition but alas, they just weren't meant for us. But it is humbling to have so many social workers(who see many families on paper) pick our family out of many, to be in the "top pick" for these special children!!

I have to think that we are doing something right. I have to believe that it's not luck but His will for us! I have to just ignore the undesirable intentions and thoughts of some and step out on my faith that I am doing what He wants me to do. Maybe someday, people will be more accepting and understanding. Maybe someone will see our family and its make-up and really appreciate what God has blessed us with AND maybe just maybe, some may see that adoption is a gift and that they can be just as blessed as we are. :)