Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Time Flies! Also A Little Lesson!

WOW! Time sure does fly when it's "Back To School Time" or in our case "Homeschool" time!

It's now closing on the end of October and before you know it it will be "GULP" Christmas Time!!!

We have had alot going on in the Mehring house. We are homeschooling 3 of our 4 school age children. Arlyn has therapies 3 times a week and now Alex will have additional therapies as well. James and I are taking a class at church once a week and just trying to keep a schedule is near impossible these days.

But in the midst of it all we did manage to take a mini vacation down to Kentucky for our annual Halloween party. We had so much fun and man, those mountains in the fall are spectacular!!! I did not want to leave! LOL

James and I have also had some difficult decisions to make in these last few weeks. We have chosen to remove ourselves from a pending adoption. This was an extremely hard decision and one that we still grieve over daily. But due to oncoming medical issues(of the child) and the hectic life that we already lead, we felt that this child would benefit from a more confident, abled family. But oh how we so wanted this sweet baby to join our family! We loved this child and considered him ours for many months now. Our hearts ache for him but you know, if you really love someone and you just know that you may not be the best family for them, then you need to let them go and that's what we did.

That brings me to my lesson. It's an ADOPTION LESSON!!!
I would like to fill you in on a few things that "us" as adoptive parents really can't stand. It's an "adoption etiquite" if you will.

First off, the word REAL such as..."What abour their real parents"??
Ohhhhh, that is a big no no! See, we are their real parents! We take care of them when they are sick, we take on the night feedings, bathe them, dress them, wipe their noses, go to school functions, teach them right from wrong, comfort them thru boyfriend/girlfriend drama, teach them to drive, send them to college, walk them down the isle, and the list goes on and on!!!

We are real, we are not fake so do not minimize us! If you are wondering about their biological or birth parents then say biological or birth parents!!! I know many mean well but you have to think of these words from where we stand. It hurts.

Second, if you have questions about adoption such as process, time frames, options and such please ask. But please do not ask about my adopted children's history or their birth parents history especially in front of that child!!! Can you imagine me telling all of the sometimes not so pleasant details of your life or your parents life to the public??? If you would like to know some of the delicate details please ask in private. ALSO DO NOT ASK......How much did you pay for (him/her)???? UGH!!! I did not "pay" a price for my child!!! I did however pay fees in the "adoption process" of my child. Again, ask me these details in private, not in front of the child.

Third and really the most infuriating one!!! Birthparents make adoption plans for many different reasons. It may be that they are very young and just cannot handle a child. Or that this child will be born with special needs that the parents just cannot accomodate (single parent, works full time) or what if you have 2 or 3 small children and are completely overwhelmed. The birth parents could be addicts, or homeless, or in abusive relationship. All of these are very realistic.
But whatever the circumstance, and before you pass judgement, stop and think about how you would feel if you were homeless, and didn't know where your next meal was coming from, or what if you lived in another country and watched many children and adults starve to death. Would you want to watch your own child starve??? Or would you maybe sacrifice your own wants and let your child go to someone that can care and feed your child?? Heart wrenching decision isn't it!!! I know I would just shatter if I had to make that decision. I honestly don't know what I would do. But this is the reality of what birthparents go thru.

So don't say "How can someone give up their child"!?! Think about what they are going thru.
In our case, we have Arlyn, her birth family felt unprepared to care for her special needs. Some may say that they just gave her up because she wasn't perfect. But that's not the case. They felt that they couldn't take on her needs, and believe me her needs are great! Does that make them bad?? No, in my eyes that makes them selfless, they chose a different life for her, they knew that they may not have been the best parents for her at that time in their lives. They chose a family that was familiar with her needs and were committed to her without even laying eyes on her. Do I believe that they could have cared for her and loved her just as much as we do?? You bet!!! Do I love this family and tell them how much we love Arlyn and how great and selfless they are for allowing us to parent their precious baby?? You bet!!

If it weren't for birthparents and the gift of adoption, I would not have 3 of my beautiful children!!! I will defend birthfamilies to my death!!!

I know that adoption is not for everyone, and that many people do not accept of approve of adoption but I am just trying to help people understand and learn a little along the way. You will find that most adoptive families love to talk and answer questions about adoption. So if you have ever wanted to ask questions by all means ask, but just remember to do it with grace. Most likely you will open the "flood gates" !!! LOL

Thanks for reading and I will try to post more often as we find our "grove" these days.

No comments:

Post a Comment