Lets Talk About God And My Stubborn Streak!

So as you can tell by my posts that I beleive and put my faith in God. That hasn't always been so.... I have always been a believer, don't get me wrong but puting my faith in Him, well, not always. That's a tough thing to do, trust in someone that you cannot see. I still struggle with this, I am a control freak!!! I admit it, a control FREAK!

I grew up going to church, some of the time and like every other kid, it was boring! Listening to a preacher yammer on about things that I had no clue of. But my family did not attend regularly so it was never a big deal in our house. I also went to bible school with friends along the way but never really paid attention. So religion was just never a priority.

As I met my husband and we became close, I knew his family was Lutheran and attended church every week. That was no problem, right?! Well, it became a problem when everyone just assumed that I would become Lutheran and just fall into place and attend church. Also when our oldest daughter was born it became a problem, as everyone thought we would baptise our daughter into the Lutheran faith. It was just an implied idea. But not for me!! I needed to have a say, I needed to voice my opinion and I surely did!

As you can imagine this topic came up often and caused many stressful moments in our marriage. But after awhile the dust settled and it just became a nonissue. A nonissue because we didn't attend church. We did however enroll our daughter, Kierstyn in preschool at my husbands church and our daughter Lelah as well. I really liked their private program and my girls learned alot about God. So I did soften up a bit.

Time marched on and we adopted Alex, still no change for me on the religion front. I have told the story of the turmoil and tragedy that came with Alex's adoption, so I don't need to write that novel again. But with all of that, came an inner voice. A voice that just kept telling me that "things will be alright", "Alex is your son and you love him". Oh, how I wrapped myself up in those words and I longed to hear that voice. But still all of that doubt pushes its way in and caves in those moments of security. You constantly doubt everything that you find solid and concrete. You doubt every kind and securing word. You doubt every effort that anyone makes in your favor. Doubt just overwhelmes you and those voices turn to screams, and anger and DOUBT!

After we came thru the other side of this terrible nightmare and everything settles and life goes on, you think of those wonderful voices that tried to tell you to obey and have faith, that everything would be ok. You feel that you have let those voices down because you allowed the doubt to glean thru. But what do you gain??? You gain the strenght, the passion, the determination and the LOVE OF OUR GOD! You see how God is right there with you. How He will hold onto you and never let you fall.

That single nightmare that I lived for many months, single handedly restored my faith, my love for our God! I know that we would not have made it thru those aweful days without him right by our side. I also have a very adorable, precious baby girl to thank for my confimation into the Lutheran faith. No, not Arlyn!!! A girl names "Z"! For this baby girl was to be our baby girl BUT....The agency that had custody required that Both adoptive parents be of a christian faith. So, I had to be confirmed! Yes I started out for the wrong reason, just to please an agency but I ended up with a desire to learn more!!! Bless our Pastor, for I have not one clue about ANYTHING Bible related!!! I asked many questions and he just kept on answering! I love that man! Although we let Miss "Z" go to another family for many reasons, she has changed my life forever!

I was confirmed at the age of 34 and we also baptised Kaden, Alex and Lelah that day. Oh yea, Kierstyn was baptized the day after her 1st birthday due to a family tragedy that took my cousins 1 year old. All I could think of is, "If I lose Kierstyn as a baby, I want her protected and in God's Grace" so I did baptise her!

Now, I attend a nondenomonational church that I love, and I am trying and wanting to learn more about God, the Bible and about myself. I have really surprised myself in the last few years. I would have NEVER guessed that I, LeeAnn Mehring, would be a member of a church and actually look forward to going!!! I NEVER would have thought that I would be praying daily and relying on a God that I cannot see to lead me thru my lifes struggles and joys. Now, look bach at my posts so far nad see how many times I say "NEVER". This is why my blog has its title. Just Never Say Never!