When Adoption Isn't Perfect

This post is so difficult to write. I usually am a sobbing mess when I have to deal with this subject and I'm sure by the end of this post I will be. Here's a question that all of us as adoptive families have to face.

What If My Adopted Child/Children Aren't Treated Equally By Family??? (GULP)

Well, we are experiencing that very subject right now. It has been going on for years and I cannot see it ever resolving itself. I hate to say that and trust me, I pray that I am wrong but how can you change the mind of someone else??? You can't!

Here is our story. When we adopted Lelah, she was 5 yrs old and was being disrupted from an international adoption. She came to us a very scared and angry, little girl and I'm sure VERY CONFUSED!!! Life with her was not easy and we made many mistakes being that this was our first adoption and we had NO CLUE about attachment issues.

We had decided that grandparents could watch her, as she was improving in her behavior. Bad mistake!! She decided to start in with her tantrums and not listening, which pushed grandma over the edge and labeled her "a bad kid"!!

It's been 5 years now and she is still the "bad kid"! She has made tremendous improvement but of course has her moments but nothing like it used to be. But grandma has decided to just not bond with her and just ingnore her. As you can imagine this has been a HUGE ordeal for us as we will defend her til our dying day. But it just goes on. For instance, grandma will have all grand kids stay over, but not her! Grandma will give love and attention to all grand kids, but not her!

Can you even imagine what Lelah must be feeling??? I cannot! I cannot even wrap my mind around the unfairness, the hurt, the jealousy, the feeling of not being loved! I just can't! I have cried, and screamed at grandma for this, I have told her she accepts Lelah or she sees NO GRANDKIDS!! But still nothing! What does one do in this situation?? Cut all ties? It would be easy to say yes, but what about the others kids?? They have a realtionship with grandma. How do I sever that realtionship? That isn't fair to them. I am just at a loss for words or wisdom.

Most of all I am just so hurt, and angry! How could a grown woman just treat a 10 yr old girl like this?? Just my honest opinion is that grandma is a coward!! She doesn't want to even try to get to know Lelah. She doesn't want to have to set boundaries and try to see the good in my daughter. Nope! Grandma just wants to label her"bad" and be done with it (told you this was honest)! I have screamed the words "Your other grand kids(not mine) do wrong things and yet you accept them"!!! Her response "Well, They Are Blood"!!!! AHHHHH! It comes out!

I'm sure you are wondering about Alex and Arlyn? Well, they came to us as babies and so well, babies are ok, and more loveable! RIGHT!!! NO!!! That is WRONG!!! But that's what I have come to conclusion! I am puting this out there so people know that adoption is not easy and accepting. It's a struggle, if not in this way there are many other ways. All I can do is pray about this situation and hope that one day grandma will know what she has done to this poor child.

It has been a hard day around here as yet again grandma strikes! Feelings are hurt and mom and dad will come to the rescue.