Why Never Say Never?

Why should you say never say never??? Have you ever said "My child would NEVER act that way!" Or "You will NEVER see me doing that!" This one is the kicker! "We are done having kids, I will NEVER do that again!"

Sure enough, as we say these things, God has His Plan For Us! It's His will! We thought we were done with having kids with one, our daughter, Kierstyn. As I just thought, how could I ever love another child as much as I love her?? But....God had a plan! I became pregnant when Kierstyn was 2 and it was a BIG SURPRISE!! But a good one! At 12 weeks along, I lost the baby and we were devastated. I mean, I carried Kierstyn with no problems, it was a beautiful pregnancy actually. But for whatever reason, God had a plan for us. So months later, as we were now trying to get pregnant (because I hate the fact that I am not in control and hate to be told the word "NO") I became pregnant again and this time I didn't even know it! I micarried before I even knew about the pregnancy. By now, I'm thinking "What Gives?" We were at a loss as to what was going on. But life went on and we tried again. It wasn't long til I had that" plus" sign in the window of yet another pregnancy test. We were terrified, but thrilled.

This pregnancy was different, I "felt" pregnant but started spotting on had alot of pain that would come and go. It went on for a few weeks, until one night I woke in severe pain. We rushed to the ER just knowing that we had lost another baby. We were told "yes" we did in fact. They sent me home, but only to be rushed back that night. A few tests later and I found out that my pregnancy was ectopic! After an emergency surgery and losing my baby, and a fallopian tube, I was numb! I just couldn't even feel a loss at this point. Everyone around me grieved but me. I just couldn't do it. After a week of recooperation, my OBGYN told me to "Go for it"!!! Try again! HUH???? Is this man nuts???? I knew that my fate was doomed, I would NEVER carry another child! It just wasn't in the cards for me.

So we started looking into adoption. We went to an informational meeting and really fell in love with the idea. Jamie and I spent the next few weeks planning on adoptiong a child but as it came down to starting a homestudy we just weren't ready for some reason. We decided to wait and yet again, try one more time! Within a month from that date, I was pregnant! Of course we were walking on eggshells for the first few weeks. BUT....to our surprise, WE HAD A HEARTBEAT!!!! Oh the joy of that moment! Jamie and I hadn't seen one of those since Kierstyn! My pregnancy was for the most part uneventful and low and behold, Kaden was born ! Perfect in every way! We were extatic to say the least!

So see, God taught me to "NEVER SAY NEVER"! If I would have given up on trying to concieve, I wouldn't have Kaden. And as devatating as my losses were, if my pregnancies would have progressed, I wouldn't have Kaden. God is good, even in those darkest hours. Just look at my beauties!

Kierstyn age 5 and Kaden newborn. July 10, 2001